Community Saved Me

The Quad Squad

My friend, Raquel, has a t-shirt that says “COMMUNITY SAVED ME” and the first time I saw it, I thought, “Wow. That’s dramatic.” I’ve known Raquel for 36 years and we are both people who have walked through life with a fair amount of privilege, so, I wondered what she meant by the sentiment. I teasingly said, “Community saved you, huh? Bold statement.” She laughed and explained that she had made the shirt during a group activity and was thinking about community and thought it was a simple message. We didn’t go much deeper than that because it was just an exchange in passing.

But I have thought about that shirt and the message a lot and have realized that community saved me too. Community may not have saved my life in that life or death way that first comes to mind but it saved me from the belief that I have to do everything on my own. Community saved me from the idea that accepting help is a sign of weakness.

I grew up in a working class family in Kansas and my mother told me from a very young age, “The only person you can count on is yourself.” I could write a thesis on the circumstances in her life that led her to believe that but it is also a very American perspective. The United States has long perpetuated the idea that people can and should pull themselves up by their bootstraps to succeed. I come from a long line of bootstrappers but community has shown me the power of interdependence.

My path from bootstrapper to The Quad Life didn’t happen overnight. It took years. I had to learn to trust people. I had to learn to be honest with myself and others. I had to learn the difference between equal and equitable. I had to learn how to communicate and how to handle conflict. I had to learn how to sit with a little discomfort every now and then. I’m constantly learning and relearning.

My experience with community has taken many forms: resource sharing, a home improvement cooperative, shared childcare, a weekly supper club, and now the Quad. There are endless possibilities, really. Most people I know are incredibly generous and very good at giving to others. But many of those same people have a hard time accepting anything from others. And yeah - I’m talking about myself.

Here is a perfect example.

I shared the simple beginnings of the idea that became The Quad in my welcome post. We were complaining to our friends who are avid gardeners how much we hated gardening. We wanted fresh veggies and herbs and all that good stuff but we didn’t have the skills or the drive to make it happen. We now live with those same friends and this past summer, they worked their asses off to put in a garden even though we had just moved in.

They planted:

• tomatoes

• cucumbers

• broccoli

• cauliflower

• jalapeno peppers

• chili peppers

• brussels sprouts

• zucchini

• kale

• parsley

• sage

• rosemary

• thyme

• basil

• oregano

I’m probably forgetting some things but you get the idea.

Throughout the summer, they weeded and thinned and watered and harvested…and I watched. Did I feel guilty? Yes. Did I still accept baskets of fresh produce? Also yes. Were there way too many cucumbers? Yes, but let’s keep that between us.

I gave back in ways that I enjoy - in cocktails, baked goods, and foods that could be frozen for later. My labor was not equal to theirs but we all did things we enjoy. Just a few years ago, I would have struggled with that inequality in labor and might have even refused all those beautiful herbs and veggies. I would have really missed out. The moral of the story is that accepting from others with grace can be such a good thing (even if it means you have to eat cucumbers with every meal) and, of course, community can save us.